http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/ Russell's random drivel en Copyright 2007 Tue, 07 Nov 2006 07:03:00 +0000 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/disorganised_as_ever.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/disorganised_as_ever.html Meanderings meanderings Tue, 07 Nov 2006 07:03:00 +0000 http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/blogtastic.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/blogtastic.html Meanderings games meanderings metablog mp3 music skating trains Fri, 03 Nov 2006 07:30:00 +0000 http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/wrong_type_of_frost.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/wrong_type_of_frost.html Meanderings meanderings trains Thu, 02 Nov 2006 08:25:00 +0000 this vox post for more info. Nasty cold has kept me away from work for the last couple of days. Still not 100%. Very drained. Also a little light headed but thats probably because I forgot my medication again this morning. Train is crowded so I've been standing the whole way so far.]]> http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/eventful.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/11/eventful.html Meanderings beekeeping depression meanderings trains Wed, 01 Nov 2006 07:10:40 +0000 the Mind Gym instead of the Mood Gym. I currently have a differential diagnosis — recurrent depressive disorder or cyclothymia. Not sure if today will be trying to narrow that diagnosis down or something else. My time is up and no sign. Drop in my stomach again. He hasn't forgotten me. He's not doing this on purpose. He's busy; they get a lot of crazy people through here. Starting to feel a little dizzy too. Probably because I took my medication late today because I had a lay in. Quick scrub up this morning after the "unkempt beard" comment in the assessment. Not sure why; its in my best interest to show how I am every day rather than putting on a front. Shrug. Amazing how long five minutes last when you're waiting for something. I was in there for well over an hour last time, if he had a 10:30 then I caused this wait to someone else…]]> http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/10/waiting_room_blues.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/10/waiting_room_blues.html Meanderings Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:25:00 +0000 Missed the Richmond train at West Hampstead due to a late connection. Got the Clapham train to Willesden instead so I can wait under cover. I'm glad I did. Just across the way is a massive pile of junk. There are three guys in lifters (look kinda like those grabber things at the amusement arcade). They seem to just be picking up junk from the ground at the edges and dumping it higher up towards the middle like making a sand castle out of old filing cabinets and bathtubs. Kinda fun to watch; almost hypnotic. On closer inspection they are more organised than I initially thought. The first guy is picking stuff up at ground level and dropping it about a third of the way up. A truck just came and replenished his ground level stores. The next guy picks up from the first guy's leavings and drops higher up for the last guy who drops on the top. Maybe I should get a few workmen with cranes rather than bee hives? ;) http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/10/castles_from_junk.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/10/castles_from_junk.html Meanderings meanderings trains Fri, 20 Oct 2006 08:00:00 +0000 Been avoiding the blog for a while. It was all starting to look good a couple of weeks ago. And then the crash. 3 hours in tears over a report full of misrepresented information, inaccuracies and just enough truth to be scary. A lot of money overdue. Tempest's epilepsy getting worse. A hard choice. The right one, but still hard. Goodbye Bob. GP has me back on the Cipralex. Larger dose this time. Seen the CMHT. I assume she was an ASW and if I'd been clearly barking they would have sectioned me right then and there. Some relief in that I guess. First time my depression has kept me off work (or is it? a day or two here through avoidance? Never 2 weeks on a doctor's note though) Anxious, paranoid, antisocial, afraid empty. This is me. http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/10/avoidance.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/10/avoidance.html Meanderings depression meanderings Tue, 17 Oct 2006 08:00:00 +0000 Bipolar Advantage podcast today; a good suggestion for a simple thing that can be done that can help keep the bipolar working for you rather than against you: introspection. I can't see how this technique can be bad for me even if I'm not bipolar so I'm going to give it a try. Need to think of 5-10 questions to ask myself every day. The idea is that if there's something you want to do another way you ask yourself if you've done it right today. Be honest if you've done it wrong. Your subconscious will realise that if you do it wrong you're gonna have to 'fess up so will help you avoid doing the wrong thing to avoid embarassment. Want to relisten to the podcast first to make sure I've remembered things correctly. Am very hungry at the mo. Can't get hold of Charlotte at the mo. She may be going town to see Louise tonight. If she does then I could get something on the way home. If not then I'll need to cook when I get back anyway so I might as well wait to eat. Thoughts getting ahead of me again. Need to take a break. Gotta write about the dodgy PA system here in Richmond first though. Don't know why but frequently the PA system on platform 4, which is where I am now, seems to play random phrases from its voice bank. Just now we had: "sixteen, sixteeen, sixteen, southampton central, south… hobbleton… a trolley service". Its been doing this for months. Is it hard to fix or can they not be bothered? Or do they realise that its actually quite amusing and relieves some of the stress involved in using this service? I want a video iPod just so I could play hardcore porn and see how long it takes some nosey parker to get offended. Serve them right for looking over my shoulder. Want to fill up a whole page writing the word "fuck" for the same reason. Need a new pair of shoes, sole has gone on these ones and I have no grip in the wet. Makes footbreaking interesting. Want to go straight down Egham hill without breaking on my fastest board to see if I can make it around the roundabout at the bottom while going 40+mph. Want a pencil sharpener. All my pencils are blunt. Black clouds pass overhead. Pearly white next to my soul. I don't care. Sometimes I say that I hate myself, but I don't. I just hate feeling different but at the same time I rejoice in my individuality. I have about 20 pencils in my bag and nearly all of them are blunt. I really need to invest the 20p required for a pencil sharpener. Can you buy a pencil sharpener for 20p? Probably not. Do they still do those dodgy plastic ones that will break if you push the pencil in too hard while sharpening? The pages are out of order in this entry and I don't care. Yesterday writing in the wrong order inspired frustration and anger. Today nothing. Perhaps just a touch of amusement. Train is getting busier. Still a couple of seats left, but probably only for a couple of stations. Wonder how long you could live on a train? If you took along provisions would you be able to ride from one end of the line to the other all day? Do they swap them out, rotate them during the day or just overnight? Does this line run overnight? No. I remember looking at the timetable. When I was getting the 6:38 from St Albans I was on one of the first trains through West Hampstead. Want to go to the bookshop and spend. Need to resist. What would I buy? New Discworld, Last of the Wilds, couple of Neil Gaiman books I don't have, anything with a recommended tag next to it. Cool sci-fi classics reprints with curved corners (is that so you're allowed to bring them into a mental hospital?) What do I want for dinner? Something fiery. Get some meat, fresh chillies, tomatoes, cumin; already have chilli powder, turmeric, garam masala. Fry the whole cumin and maybe some black mustard seeds in a couple of tablespoons of vegetable ghee until they start to pop. Add the meat and fry until browned. Add chopped fresh chillies, two teaspoons of chilli powder, two tsp of turmeric, one of garam masala, one of salt. Stir and don't leave too long — chilli will burn and choking fumes will fill the kitchen. Add a tin of chopped tomatoes, juice and all. Stir again and simmer for 15-20 mins. Cook some rice, maybe do a couple of chapattis. Even more hungry now. Urge to buy strange polish meat products from the 24 hour convenience store across the road from West Hampstead Thameslink. The smoked pork belly strips were pretty good. Only seen it in there the once though. Need to get more rice and soy sauce for lunch at work before the money runs out. Only a couple more stations to go before temptation. I will resist… Keep telling myself… I must resist…]]> http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/ponderings.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/ponderings.html Meanderings bipolar cooking depression meanderings trains Fri, 29 Sep 2006 18:15:00 +0000 Sigh. So I spent an hour or so fiddling with my mp3 player getting a new 2Gb playlist transferred. Unmounted everything properly so that there was no file corruption risk. Unplug the USB and turn the power on. No music files. I have no idea what has gone wrong but whatever it is it has left me without music this evening and potentially Monday morning too depending on what mp3 files I can find laying around on hard disks at home. http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/without_music_again.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/without_music_again.html Meanderings meanderings mp3 music Fri, 29 Sep 2006 18:10:00 +0000 TechBlog for my networking / sysadmin / development / metablog posts. The run of the mill random obscenity will stay here. I want to use my vox more but not really sure what for. Need to do some sort of standardised layout for the MT blogs for easy switching between them.]]> http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/splitting_up.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/splitting_up.html Meanderings metablog Fri, 29 Sep 2006 18:00:00 +0000 http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/staring_at_the_wires.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/staring_at_the_wires.html Meanderings depression meanderings music trains Fri, 29 Sep 2006 07:38:00 +0000 http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/another_day_another_notepad.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/another_day_another_notepad.html Meanderings meanderings money music trains Fri, 29 Sep 2006 07:10:00 +0000 Are the frequent in depth conversations I imagine having healthy escapism or harmful? I'll often find myself spending an hour or so having an imagined conversation in my head. Either reliving a conversation in the past and how I could have handled it better or imagining a whole new encounter. http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/third_time_lucky.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/third_time_lucky.html Meanderings bipolar meanderings metablog music paranoia trains Thu, 28 Sep 2006 18:27:00 +0000 Yet another example. Write a page of text. Turn over and find I've already used the next page. Starting a new entry so I don't end up going nuts when I'm typing this up. How many friends have I lost through the way I pull into myself and refuse all contact when I'm in a black phase? Probably more than I realise. Have found myself singing aloud to my mp3 player frequently recently. Use to talk to myself a lot more often than I do these days. Relevant? Wandering again. Can't focus. Out. http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/try_again.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/try_again.html Meanderings meanderings Thu, 28 Sep 2006 18:16:00 +0000 Been rereading some blog entries from a few weeks ago. Can't recognise the thoughts as my own. So positive, so busy. Can't seem to concentrate on anything for any length of time at the moment. Made a number of attempts to clear the RIPE allocations backlog today but kept getting distracted. gpg-agent seemed to stop working so I decided to download the latest gpg. The remembered that agent is only in the 1.9 releases not the 1.4 releases so had to download that and its dependencies as well. Got bored waiting for it all to build and downloaded a newer pinentry version which fixed things (or rather the new version fell back to curses properly). Still something wrong with the GTK prompts. Suddenly it occurs to me that I can't remember if I have set up Jim to forward X over ssh by default. Could be as simple as that. Another example of my concentration being shot. http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/keeping_the_train_on_the_rails.html http://blog.s8n.net/meanderings/2006/09/keeping_the_train_on_the_rails.html Meanderings bipolar meanderings Thu, 28 Sep 2006 17:56:50 +0000